Before I met you, I never knew that something so tiny could so profoundly change me. As you grew in my tummy, so did a love in my heart for a tiny wee being that I had never met. I knew that I was going to love you beyond words, but I didn’t realize at that point how much love I would experience. I didn’t realize that giving birth to you would not only change me to my very core, but that I would never and could never go back to the person I was before.

I may have given birth to you, but that day was the birth of a new mother, too. In that moment (quite a long moment after 50 hours of labour but that’s a whole other story in itself!) my heart softened in a new way and I got a deeper glimpse of God’s love for me. Here you were, so full of need and not able to offer anything in return, yet I loved you anyway. It’s the strangest feeling, meeting someone in one day and loving them with your whole, entire being. You helped me to see how God sees me and how He thinks about me as His daughter.

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I may have given birth to you, but you made me a mum. I am so thankful for you. My eyes have cried so many times over when love for you has overwhelmed me. You have been an answer to a prayer that I didn’t even know was on my heart. That’s how good God is – He desires to give us good things over and above and beyond what we could even imagine. I always assumed I’d become a mother one day but when the day actually came, my heart was so bursting full that I just felt like my whole soul was overflowing. I would sit there during the early morning feeds, in the still of the night, and would thank God for you. When you cried, I would answer you and I knew that I was willing in a heartbeat to lay my life down for you. For you, this tiny creature that I barely knew. Yet somehow I knew you with my entire being. Becoming a mum to you awakened something inside me that I didn’t know was in there.

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To you, the little girl who made me a mum, I pray that I can raise you and grow you and nurture you and love you so that you will come to know who God is. I pray that you will see God in our home, in our actions, in our interactions, in our love, in every aspect of our life. I pray that you will see a mum who will give everything she has for her family and then some, whose cup will be filled with the love of Christ and overflow to those around you. I pray that through all my shortcomings, you will see me have a heart of humility and always go to the Lord for help.

I pray that, in time, you will become a woman who overflows with love and grace. Though you were just a wee babe in my arms, I pray one day for you to be released to be the woman that God has called you to be. And I pray, one day, that you will come to know the joy it is to become a mum to your own first-born, too.

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4 thoughts on “Letter To My First Born

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